On a recent trip, a colleague asked me to see Dale, one of her long-term clients.  The first phase of their work together was to assist her in finding the skills and strength to supervise a team that included people from construction and others from administration.

The coaching was to show Dale, who had always preferred to be nice, how to access her capacity to be a boss.  That is, how to set clear boundaries, demands, and even fire people. This phase was very successful.

Since then the focus has been on Dale's tendency to get stuck when trying to take the next step in her career.  She has her new business already designed but can't seem to take the necessary steps forward.

I was asked to make a Five Rings Assessment and recommendation of Dale's apparent "stuckness."

As she entered the office, I was immediately struck by her strong Water-Wind physical presence.  Filing this observation for later analysis, we began to talk. 

When asked about her current goals she expressed the desire for greater confidence and to procrastinate less, worry less and no longer feel so stuck. 

In the language of the Five Rings, "confidence" relates to Fire, “worry" to Water and “procrastination" to a Water-Ground combination.

A touch of theory: Fire and Water can be viewed as polar opposites.  Where Fire is self-directed, Water is other-directed.  

To discover more about Dale's bureaucracy of habits, I spoke of the fundamental differences between the Fire and Water approaches to goal setting. 

Observing how she reacted to and thought about the two different ways of moving toward change provided the key clues to designing a Five Rings Coaching practice for her.

Here are the two approaches. 

The way of Fire is to decide what you want, align your passion with your goal, and then go for it.  

This is clear, simple, and basic.  It is also the method that is taught in most all trainings and books. 

If you have a strong Fire orientation or can easily access this state, then this method is obvious and effective.   However, if Fire is not your way, then it is quite natural to find it very challenging to do these seemingly simple things. 

The more Water-like your orientation the more you find yourself losing self-confidence each step of the way.  And, of course, not knowing that this method is a Fire method as opposed to The Method, it is natural to assume that you have a real problem. 

So here is a classic Water method for goal setting.  

Instead of looking toward the future for what you want, first look back at the past and see what you no longer want to have in your life.   

Rather than worrying about what could be, work on letting go of the attachments or glue that binds you to an old way of being and doing. 

Using the image of a boat on the water, each step of the way you float free of the past, not knowing or caring (yet) where you are going.  Relaxing into the flow of possibilities, you notice the currents of water and wind. You also notice the birds flying.

Wondering where is the land that the birds call home, you direct your boat in that direction. Seeing the outline of the island, you point your finger and say, yes, that is where I want to go.

This moment is the Water version of the Fire movement of choosing a path.  And like a wave approaching the shore, your energies align as you give your heart and mind to your choice.

Not knowing how to properly value the power of Water, we have tended to fight against the past and if this is our nature, to fight against ourselves.   This is one sure way to lower self-confidence.

As I described the Water way of goal setting, Dale just relaxed.  It was as though she let go of a heavy weight of unnecessary guilt. Now she was ready to explore this in movement.

We began by asking Dale to stand and relax.  As soon as I said, "See the future you want to create," her chest and head moved back. We ran through this several times until this visceral reaction was obvious to Dale.

This led to a short talk about the state of overwhelm and how easy it is to experience it when your upper torso leans back and your feet stand still.  With your weight suspended over nothing solid, your vestibular apparatus sends the message, “I am falling.”

 

In this balance, it is difficult not to be overwhelm-able.  Not realizing how much your physical balance influences your emotional state, it is easy to invent the story that you are the source of the problem.

For the next round of see the future, I asked her to step back immediately.  Her steps were clumsy and awkward.  

Combining her Water style with not moving her feet (Ground) generates the quality of mud. So what if, I asked her, she does not have a problem of will but rather is stuck in the mud.

So I asked her to step back and pick up her feet as if she was extracting them from the mud. I even suggested making the vacuum pop sound that one would hear if this was really happening.   Now she was able to step back with more lightness and grace.

Returning to the beginning, I set the stage by suggesting that as she heard the phrase, “see the future”, to not only expect that she would almost instinctively pull back, but to actually step back -- honoring her nature.

This time, she gracefully stepped back and then spontaneously began to walk forward. I immediately added the idea of using her arms and hand to point. 

Her step became more focused and direct.  I then suggested that she focus her gaze toward where she was walking and pointing.

There was a very palpable increase in the energy of the room.  When she turned toward us, she was literally radiating an authentic and deep confidence.  

This was one of the moments when you really wanted to have a camera to capture the difference. So I asked her coach to tell her about how different she looked.

We practiced this several times until she was able to recreate this energy with an almost imperceptible movement. 

Armed with these new insights derived from the language of movement, Dale and her coach continued their excellent work together.