If you can't be with the team you choose,
work well with the team you're given.

Working together well is a conversational dance of word, position, shape, and motion.

From world of music we know that every combination of musical notes produces a very different harmony.  Some combinations are pleasing to some and not to others.  What pleases you might displease someone else.

We can easily say the same thing about words.  Every combination produces a different harmony and affect.  And what pleases you can displease others.

"One can read a person's condition by the movements he (or she) makes."
Inayat Khan, Sufi Teacher

Whether or not we are aware of it, we are continuously monitoring the non-verbal expressions and postures of those around us.  Well under the surface, we are reacting to our experience of the individual harmonies of the people with whom we are conversing.  Some harmonies or styles draw us closer and others seem to push us away.

Here are two scenarios and one fun exercise that can be used for both.

Bob is Water-oriented and adaptable with a tendency to minimize conflict.

Alexis finds herself supervising a team with a large number of Bobs. And Bob has to manage several with Alexis' style.

The stories are linked because they deal with the inherent connection between Firm and Flexible.

• People with a Firm disposition when relating to someone of a Flexible persuasion, often report that they do not feel met by the other person. 

This non-verbal perception can easily be interpreted as lack of commitment, self-confidence, guts, and power.

• People with a Flexible attitude when relating to someone with a Firm disposition, often report that they do not feel met by the other person. 

This non-verbal perception is often interpreted as controlling, uncaring, stubborn, and unresponsive.

Firm and flexible are the two extremes of the malleability factor. Some people are best met by being Firm and Flexible.  Others respond better to Flexible and Firm.

Here are a few martial arts training practices we can use to find the balance we need to dance well with our team.

Balancing Firmness and Flexibility

Press into the wall without too much or too little pressure.

Turn toward the wall and move closer by stepping and bending your elbow.

Do this while maintaining the same amount of pressure between your hand and the wall

If you want to add another level of difficulty, practice by pressing against someone's open and extended palm.   They can tell you immediately if you are actually doing what you think you are doing.

Being Firm yet Flexible

Maintain a solid pressure on the wall.

Relax every muscle you don't need to press on the wall.

Keep the muscle tensions you do require to press firmly.

Oscillate between pressing outward and relaxing inward.

Knowing that you do not have to lose your strength to be more open allows you to handle the voices of habit that sabotage your ability to communicate well with a very different style.

Being Flexible yet Firm

Maintain a solid pressure on the wall.

Explore different ways of turning, leaning, and bending.

While, of course, maintaining the same pressure on the wall.

Knowing that you do not have to lose your flexibility to be strong allows you to handle the voices of habit that sabotage your ability to communicate well with a very different style.

There is no one attitude for successfully communicating to everyone.   You have to stay awake in the moment to dance well.

Whenever you realize that things are not going as well as you would like, do a quick run through of this practice.  It will tell you immediately if you are stuck being either too firm or too flexible.

"Movement never lies."
Martha Graham